Darwin Awards - Award Winners 2005

The Darwin Awards salute the improvement of the human genome by honoring those who accidentally remove themselves from it...

2005 - Kitty Toy

(18 December 2005, South Africa) Two muggers were working a crowd. The had just taken a cellphone and purse from a couple at knifepoint, when the woman screamed. The muggers sprinted away. But working a crowd and working out are entirely different things, and one of the muggers was out of shape.

As he watched his compatriot recede into the distance, he felt the stitch in his side, and knew he could run no farther. Perhaps he was thinking he should have spent some of his ill-gotten gains on a trip to the gym. But then he spotted a high fence, and that, at least, he could manage.

"I don't have to outrun that bear, I just have to outrun you."

He put on a burst of speed, and leapt the fence. Sure enough, no one followed. Escape! But he had failed to take into consideration a very
"I don't have to outrun that bear, I just have to outrun you."
important
fact. He was at the Bloemfontein Zoo. Just as he was congratulating himself on his foolproof escape, he realized that the other side of the fence was a 10 meter drop into a cage of bored Bengal tigers!

Speaking of foolproof, the tigers wasted no time in treating the nearest fool as their own little kitty toy. The mauled body of the mugger was not noticed until noon. A zoo spokesperson said that the tigers had been fed the previous afternoon, else they would have left no evidence behind.

Police said a post mortem would be carried out to determine the exact cause of his death--as if that wasn't obvious.