Gift Rap

Morning

Mercedes Does It Again........

No roof. No windows. No windscreen. No ownership possibility if you don’t own an SLR yet either. Powered by a 478kW, supercharged V8, the Stirling Moss SLR is simply epic.

Mercedes-Benz is set to end its partnership with McLaren on a nostalgic note with a Stirling Moss commemorative SLR speedster.

The Anglo-German supercar partnership is due to end - allegedly amicably – in 2009; thereafter all high-performance Mercedes-Benz products will be designed and produced in-house, by AMG.

To do justice to the great man – or have a great excuse for an overpriced, limited-edition model – 75 SLR Stirling Moss models will be built. Styling is refreshingly minimalist – there’s no front windscreen – and utterly perfect in detail and proportion; it’s a far busier design than the brutish SLR, yet seems purer.

The front is in classic speedster style, with narrower, stacked light clusters, and a bonnet with large vents and styling creases. Along the flanks are nearly crevice like panel creases, aesthetically anchored by dual outlet exhausts – we suspect they passed EU roadworthy regulation simply due to the Stirling Moss edition being such a low volume vehicle.

Beyond the traditional long-nose speedster side-profile, the aft deck area sports two fins running from the back of seat headrests; these ‘humps’ are classic 300 SLR, and house the individual roll hoops for both driver and passenger.

For once a mainstream manufacturer has built a limited edition supercar which is truly hardcore, and should provide an ownership experience of utter frustration to image-addled supercar buyers. Purists will be thrilled no end at it’s untainted execution, and obvious heritage.

It’s a worthy successor to the legend of Stirling Moss and his daring racing exploits. We could say the signature engraved shifter-top is tacky; but Moss, the greatest driver never to win an F1 driver’s title is a man who transcends such trivialities.

If you have a spare $1 000 000 around, and don’t have a Mercedes SLR already, you needend bother; Merc is only selling the 75 unit production to existing SLR customers - outside of the US only, strangely enough. Assembly will begin in June 2009, after the last SLR roadsters roll-off the production line in May.

Oddly, for such a pure performance car, the SLR Stirling Moss is being unveiled at the grittiest motor show of all - Detroit in January next year…

I definitely want one of these........

The votes are in!

The votes are in! After three and a half weeks of furious voting, South Africa's three most personality-injected cars have been revealed in Wheels24's Alternative Car of the Year poll for 2008.

The Mitsubishi Triton Clubcab was chosen as the straightest vehicle on the list, while the petite Fiat 500 was voted the gayest car by a landslide.

According to the poll, you're most likely to be greeted with a middle-finger salute from a BMW X6 driver.

This year, users were asked to choose the gayest, straightest and most "middle finger" or in-your-face car. Candidates in the three categories were selected from the range of new vehicles launched in South Africa during 2008.

More than 16 000 of you cast your votes in the annual contest.

Gay Cars:
1. Fiat 500 - 5651
2. Audi A3 Cabriolet - 3410
3. BMW 1 Series Cabriolet - 3238
4. Chrysler Sebring Cabriolet - 2505
5. Volkswagen Tiguan - 1332

Straight Cars:
1. Mitsubishi Triton Clubcab - 7231
2. Opel Corsa OPC - 3060
3. Jeep Cherokee - 2523
4. Mini Cooper JWC - 2059
5. Suzuki Jimny - 1263

Middle-finger Cars:
1. BMW X6 - 4630
2. Mercedes C63 AMG - 4536
3. Chev Lumina SS UTE - 3511
4. Cadillac CTS - 2055
5. Land Cruiser 200 - 1404

Oh shit, I don't drive any of these, so where do I fall in?

Words Of Wisdom

It is not the man who has too little, but the man who CRAVES MORE that is poor.....

-Seneca

Negotiation......

Darwin Awards - Award Winners 2005

The Darwin Awards salute the improvement of the human genome by honoring those who accidentally remove themselves from it...

2005 - Kitty Toy

(18 December 2005, South Africa) Two muggers were working a crowd. The had just taken a cellphone and purse from a couple at knifepoint, when the woman screamed. The muggers sprinted away. But working a crowd and working out are entirely different things, and one of the muggers was out of shape.

As he watched his compatriot recede into the distance, he felt the stitch in his side, and knew he could run no farther. Perhaps he was thinking he should have spent some of his ill-gotten gains on a trip to the gym. But then he spotted a high fence, and that, at least, he could manage.

"I don't have to outrun that bear, I just have to outrun you."

He put on a burst of speed, and leapt the fence. Sure enough, no one followed. Escape! But he had failed to take into consideration a very
"I don't have to outrun that bear, I just have to outrun you."
important
fact. He was at the Bloemfontein Zoo. Just as he was congratulating himself on his foolproof escape, he realized that the other side of the fence was a 10 meter drop into a cage of bored Bengal tigers!

Speaking of foolproof, the tigers wasted no time in treating the nearest fool as their own little kitty toy. The mauled body of the mugger was not noticed until noon. A zoo spokesperson said that the tigers had been fed the previous afternoon, else they would have left no evidence behind.

Police said a post mortem would be carried out to determine the exact cause of his death--as if that wasn't obvious.

A Good Christmas Wish List For SA!

I remember as a kid listening cracking up with laughter whenever Springbok Radio played a song called; "All I want for Christmas is my two front teeth..." but now, almost six decades later, it's not so funny anymore because that's actually what I really need.

My damn dentures drive me crazy and make eating gooey stuff extremely difficult. But, living in the Western Cape I can take them out every now and then because its an advantage sometimes to be seen to be minus your front teeth.

I am told that it is a sign of gang membership which means that I get some quite remarkable respect in some places not to mention being able to get second hand car parts really cheap. (Oh come on, it's the silly season, for crying out loud, go along with me on this one.)

Okay seriously then, apart from a sturdy set of implants what else do I want for Christmas or in 2009?

Well here's my wish list.

That our major political parties and especially their youth leagues will try and remember that we are supposed to be a democracy and that the basic idea is to win elections by voting and not by threatening to kill anyone who dares oppose them.

That the ANC get on with it and announce the date of the elections so we can all move on with our lives and not have to live with this petty, childish political one-upmanship day in and day out.

That Southern African leaders stop treating Robert Mugabe as though he is some sort of god and understand that the man has completely lost his mind and that in any other country he would have long been confined to an asylum for the mentally insane.

That those same Southern African leaders start realising that when someone like Archbishop Tutu - a Nobel peace prize winner and a man that has preached peace and tolerance all his life - suggests that Mugabe should be removed by military force, that he is more than just a minor problem. And that he is completely incapable of governing a country or even being part of governing a country.

That the new US president, Barack Obama, agrees with the rest of the world that the United States is not the guardian of mankind and can't just go around breaching United Nations resolutions by indiscriminately bombing the daylights out of foreign nations as they did in Afghanistan and Iraq.

That our Minister of Miscommunication and ox-wagon technology lets us catch up with the rest of the world with some decent broadband.

That South African consumers stop sitting on their complacent backsides and start complaining about shoddy service and spiralling prices. And start realising that the whole reason why prices go up and never come down is because we all just accept it.

That the new cabinet that will be formed after the elections will include people like Trevor Manuel and Barbara Hogan even to the point of chaining them to their desks and refusing to allow them to retire.

by Chris Moerdyk

Sledding

Darwin Awards - Award Winners 2004

The Darwin Awards salute the improvement of the human genome by honoring those who accidentally remove themselves from it...

2004 - Rutting Contest

(October 2004, Chiayi, Taiwan) Most rutting contests involve two male mammals, like the Rocky Mountain bighorn sheep (Ovis dallis), which ram into each other at high speed in order to impress a female sheep and win the right to procreate. These mammals tend to have unusually thick skulls and extra fluid surrounding the brain to prevent damage from the competition. Humans tend not to have such thick skulls and other natural adaptations, and therefore do not generally rut.

Of course, man, the tool user, can find artificial means to overcome natural limitations. One well-known example of this behavior is the medieval jousting contest in which participants wear armor and ride horses toward each other at high speed.

The most recent observation of human rutting behavior occurred when two Taiwanese university students donned protective helmets and revved their motor scooters in an effort to impress a comely female of their species. The two were the same class, but not friends. Other classmates reported that both men fancied the same female student.

After indulging in a few drinks during the Mid-Autumn Festival, the two encountered each other, and words were spoken. The gauntlet was thrown down. In lieu of horses, the two would ride their motor scooters at each other at high speed, and the one who didn't turn away would win the exclusive right to pursue the female.

Obviously both were very keen on her, because neither of them turned away. Their scooters collided head-on at 50 mph. Both died instantly. The girl at the center of the rut refused to comment, other than to say that she "wasn't interested in either of them."

Babelaas? Hangover? Take Two Eels.......

The French call it "la gueule de bois", or wooden mouth. For Germans, it's "Kater", or a tomcat. Japanese know it as "futsukayoi", or "two-days drunk".

But whatever the language and wherever it takes place, a hangover is the same: headache, nausea, shaking, blurred vision, biliousness, dry mouth... the list of evils is long.

Just as lengthy is the roster of remedies for alcohol abuse that have been touted over the centuries.

In Roman times, Pliny the Elder swore by raw owls' eggs.

In Elizabethan England, a pair of eels suffocated in wine was touted as the trick. Green frogs were an acceptable substitute for those who were out of eels.

In the 19th century, hungover chimney sweeps would sip warm milk with a teaspoon of soot added.

Look around today, and the internet has unleashed an explosion in proposed hangover fixes, from fried food and the hair of the dog to expensive formulae derived from plant extracts.

For those who wake up with a throbbing head and a mouth like a parrot's cage, the choice seems like a life-saver - as long as they overlook the fact the "cures" are underpinned more by hope than the approval of science.

"From aspirin and bananas to Vegemite and water, internet searches present seemingly endless options for preventing or treating alcohol hangovers," say US paediatricians Rachel Vreeman and Aaron Carroll.

"No scientific evidence, however, supports any cure or effective prevention," they write in the latest issue of the British Medical Journal (BMJ).

In a 2005 study, doctors in Britain and the Netherlands reviewed the only trials of hangover cures that had been conducted to objective criteria.

The eight remedies tested were three drugs and four dietary supplements, as well as the fruit sugar fructose. The drugs comprised tolfenamic acid, a painkiller; a beta-blocking drug called propranolol and tropisetron, used for nausea and vertigo.

The dietary supplements were derived from dried yeast; from a flower called borage (Borago officinalis); the globe artichoke (Cynara scolymus); and prickly pear (Opuntia ficus-indica).

Volunteers were chosen randomly and were divided into two groups, with one group taking the supposed remedy and the other taking a placebo.

The borage, the yeast and the tolfenamic acid did ease some symptoms in a number of volunteers, and a previous study found the prickly pear also made a difference.

Apart from that, "no compelling evidence" could be found to describe any of these products as effective in treating or preventing a hangover.

In plain language, say experts, to avoid a hangover, do not drink or drink only in moderation and have water too, to avoid dehydration, as well as some food.

Whoever finds a cure for hangovers is clearly on the fast track to millions.

In 2004, alcohol-related absenteeism from work, due in part to hangover, cost Britain up to £1.8bn per year, according to an estimate by 10 Downing Street.

But this figure does not include indirect costs such as the impact of worker performance from hangovers.

But can a cure ever be found? And - here's an intriguing question - should we even look for one?

Edzard Ernst, a professor of complementary medicine at the Peninsula Medical School at Britain's University of Exeter, who took part in the 2005 study, says a hangover is a simple word for a complex thing.

It comprises symptoms affecting different parts of the body, varies according to the individual and the circumstances in which the drinking occurred (for instance, a hangover headache could be exacerbated after a night in a smoky, noisy nightclub).

All this means there are many different pathological pathways - metabolic, hormonal and so on - in which genetic variations will also play a role.

Put these factors together, and it is most unlikely that a single, one-off cure is available, suggests Ernst.

"A hangover is your body telling you a message: 'Don't abuse me'," he told AFP.

"If we had a foolproof cure for hangovers, we would drink more. Those of us who like their tipple, me included, would probably hesitate a bit less over the last glass."

Morning

Ho Ho Ho, 2 Days To Christmas

Darwin Awards - Award Winners 2003

The Darwin Awards salute the improvement of the human genome by honoring those who accidentally remove themselves from it...

2003 - Unsafe And Insane

(2003, Australia) Parents often warn that firecrackers can blow your hand off, but as a 26-year-old Australian learned, they can also remove your gonads from the gene pool. An ambulance rushed to an Illawarra park after receiving reports that a man was hemorrhaging from his behind. The mercifully unidentified man had placed a lit firecracker between the cheeks of his buttocks, stumbled, and fell upon it.

"We do caution people against these acts," said Acting Senior Sergeant John Klepczarek of the local police.

Emergency surgeon Dr. McCurdie said the resulting wound looked like "a war injury." The explosion was forced upward, "blasted a great hole in the pelvis, ruptured the urethra, and injured muscles," rendering the man incontinent as well as sexually dysfunctional. He survived to tell the tale, making him eligible for the dubious honor of a Living Darwin Award.

Darwin notes: The title is a play on words, "Safe and Sane" is a brand of legal firework; insane people cannot actually win Darwin Awards (rules) and this winner doesn't show any signs of insanity.

Darwin Awards - Award Winners 2002

The Darwin Awards salute the improvement of the human genome by honoring those who accidentally remove themselves from it...

2002 - Shoot'em Up

"For being named Lantern, he wasn't very bright."

(7 May 2002, Wisconsin) Lantern, 30, enjoyed playing a private game with his wife. He would pull down his pants, place the barrel of a shotgun against his scrotum, and tell her to pull the trigger. They had played this game frequently, to his immense pleasure. The gun was unloaded, of course.

On this pleasant Friday, he was excited to try again. The thrill was even larger because his wife's girlfriend was pulling into the driveway at the time. "Shoot 'em off before she gets here!" Lantern told his wife. She pulled the trigger. But this time, the gun was loaded.

Emergency crews arrived to find Lantern bleeding profusely from his groin, wearing shoes and socks, with his pants down around his ankles. The police were told it was an accident, and the couple didn't know the gun was loaded. Lantern was admitted to the hospital in critical condition, where he survived to earning the indisputible right to the rarest of honors: the Living Darwin Award.

Ho Ho Ho, 3 Days To Christmas

Darwin Awards - Award Winners 2001

The Darwin Awards salute the improvement of the human genome by honoring those who accidentally remove themselves from it...

2001 - The Unkindest Cut

"Improper use of pruning shears can dull the blades."

(30 May 2001, Hillsboro, Oregon) Ismael, 25, was driving a Toyota truck when he lost control of the vehicle, which careened into a mailbox, collided with a utility pole, and flipped onto its side, knocking down high-voltage power lines in the process. At that point, Ishmael climbed from the truck and into the path of evolution.

He surveyed the situation with a pair of pruning shears in his hand. Police speculate that he reached up to clip the snaking, arcing cable lying across his truck, and was electrocuted when the shears touched the 7500-volt cable. A medical examination found that the current travelled across his heart and out his left foot. He was found lying motionless, face-down on the power line, with a pair of pruning shears in his hands.

His dazed passenger survived, only to be arrested on an unrelated warrant.

Notice In Staff Tea Room.....

Funny Photos

Darwin Awards - Award Winners 2000

The Darwin Awards salute the improvement of the human genome by honoring those who accidentally remove themselves from it...

2000 - Shorties: Stupid Human Tricks

Robert, 37, shot himself while explaining gun safety to his wife in Glendale, California, when he placed a .45-caliber pistol he thought was unloaded under his chin and pulled the trigger. Shovestall's wife told police that the incident occurred after her complaints about her husband's 70 guns prompted him to demonstrate their safety.

A 23-year-old bar-brawler who had been escorted out of the Turtle Club in Florida by a bouncer, sneaked back in and leaped off a staircase, aiming a kick at another man, but was killed when he landed on his head.

Iraqi terrorist Khay Rahnajet, didn't put enough postage on a letter bomb, and it came back marked "return to sender." He opened the package and was blown away.

Two animal rights activists were protesting the cruelty of sending pigs to a slaughterhouse in Bonn by freeing a captive herd. Suddenly all two thousand of pigs stampeded through the gate they were opening, and trampled the hapless protesters to death.

News of the Weird reports that in September 1996 a man was crushed to death on a stairway at the Sammis Real Estate and Insurance office in Huntington, N.Y., while he was stealing the office's 600-pound safe. He apparently violated that cardinal rule of hauling massive objects: Never stand on a step lower than the one the safe is on. The safe was empty at the time of the incident.

In San Jose, California, Herman, an avid hunter, used the butt of his shotgun to bash his girlfriend's windshield during an argument. But his loaded gun accidentally discharged into his stomach, killing him and ending the argument.

"I cannot help but notice that there is no problem between us that cannot be solved by your departure."