Half-Blood Prince Countdown





Tuesday, 05 August 2008

Dog's Letters To God........

TO: GOD

From: The Dog

Dear God: Why do humans smell the flowers, but seldom, if ever, smell one another? 

Dear God: When we get to heaven, can we sit on your couch? Or is it still the same old story?

Dear God: Why are there cars named after the jaguar, the cougar, the mustang, the colt, the stingray, and the rabbit, but not ONE named for a dog? How often do you see a cougar riding around? We do love a nice ride! Would it be so hard to rename the 'Chrysler Eagle' the ' Chrysler Beagle'?

Dear God: If a dog barks his head off in the forest and no human hears him, is he still a bad dog?

Dear God: We dogs can understand human verbal instructions, hand signals, whistles, horns, clickers, beepers, scent ID's, electromagnetic energy fields, and Frisbee flight paths . What do humans understand? 

Dear God: More meatballs, less spaghetti, please .

Dear God: Are there mailmen in Heaven? If there are, will I have to apologize?

Dear God: Let me give you a list of just some of the things I must remember to be a good dog ...

  1. I will not eat the cat's food before they eat it or after they throw it up.  

  2. I will not roll on dead seagulls, fish, crabs, etc . , just because I like the way they smell. 

  3. The litter box is not a cookie jar.

  4. The sofa is not a 'face towel'. 

  5. The garbage collector is not stealing our stuff

  6. I will not play tug-of-war with Dad's underwear when he's on the toilet. 

  7. Sticking my nose into someone's crotch is an unacceptable way of saying 'hello'.

  8. I don't need to suddenly stand straight up when I'm under the coffee table.

  9. I must shake the rainwater out of my fur before entering the house - not after.

10. I will not come in from outside and immediately drag my butt.

11. I will not sit in the middle of the living room and lick my crotch. 

12. The cat is not a 'squeaky toy' so when I play with him and he makes that noise, it's usually not a good thing. 

  P . S . Dear God: When I get to Heaven, may I have my testicles back?

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